That Thing Called Life
by ShindouShuichi101
Summary: Basically a collection of shortstories/memories. Some yaoi, some not. Whatever, it's still entertaining XD.
1. Farts and Chocolate

**Heyy!! Michael AKA Asian Fag, at your service! Teehee, I actually wrote this as a homework assignment for Social Studies. I bet you're jealous XP**

**Warning: Major OOC I think**

**Note: All of the stories in this fic are and/or will be an AU**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Naruto. And if I did, Itachi and Sasuke would be in a completely different situation x3**

**Summary: Basically a collection of short stories/memories.**

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This actually happened a month ago, probably a few days after my birthday.

One night, when I planned on staying up until 3 in the morning, I snuck out of my room after making sure that my mom was fast asleep, tiptoeing in a way that won't squeak or creak or leak the floor. I turned on the light and entered the kitchen, unaware of what was to happen. Then, I walked up to the lifeline of my life. . . or was it the love of my life? Oh well. It was the big, beautiful, black refrigerator. It held my most precious milk chocolate Hershey's bar with almonds. The taste of the sweet, oh-so-yummy cocoa-nutty delight, all packed into a king size bar twice the size of my hand. And speaking of my hands, they couldn't take it anymore. They flew to the handle of the freezer, flung it open (don't worry, I made sure it the door didn't hit the wall), and frantically searched for the chocolate bar. Finally, I touch something big and rectangular. I grab it and see the word "Hershey's" all over the rectangle. I manically cackle like an evil scientist would and closed the freezer.

My feet pivoted 180 degrees, turning the rest of my body along. What I saw scared the flipping flapjacks out of me. It was my older brother, Itachi, whose face was at least 6 inches away from me. My vocal chords vibrated violently, causing a small yelp to escape from my mouth. Automatically, I threw the bar at his head (what a waste of orgasmic tasting sweets), then landed in his hands. I then jump on him and reach for the chocolate, which he teases me with. We both collapse onto the kitchen floor, playfully wrestling until I sit on top of him. Itachi tries forcing me off of him, but fails. I tell him that I'll get off of him if he gives me the chocolate. He accepts the so-called bribe, so I reach to grab the chocolate out of his hands. All of a sudden, poooooooooooooooot!! The air is filled with a displeasing scent as my ass vibrates Itachi, who then vibrates the floor, which vibrates, the house, which vibrates the street, and basically I'm just turning the world into a vibrator. Itachi yells in disgust while I grab the chocolate from his hand, get up off of him and walk to my room, laughing my head off.

A couple of hours later, I'm on my cell phone with my friend in Minnesota, that place in America. Itachi comes home from somewhere, probably his friend's house, and sees me on the phone. I don't notice this, so I'm still talking to my friend and telling fluffy stories. Then, out of the blue, the home phone rings. After two rings, it stops. My father probably answered it, since he's usually up at 2 in the morning. I pick up the phone anyway, curious about who might be calling. I hear my brother say something about me being on the phone, so I hang up the home phone, and then hung up my cell phone without saying goodbye. I looked out the window and saw the devious Itachi, his cell in his left hand. I shout something vulgar out the window to him and quickly pull the covers over my body, falling fast asleep.

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**Hehe, wasn't that a lovely memory? Sorry this was so short, but I'll be sure to make long, juicier, and thicker stories than this!**

**There's still more to go, so don't leave this story forever! The stories I might put up next were supposed to be entered in this fanfic contest, but something came up and I decided not to enter them! :\**


	2. MaskerRaid

**Fweee**

**Fweee!! It's the second story!! Oh, just in case you're (still) wondering why these stories are so short, it's because it's just a bunch of epically failed drabbles compiled together. I'd like to thank Jabu for helping me out with some of these drabbles. I miss you, girl! D:**

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Everybody there had a mask on their faces. Apparently there was a masquerade at Sasuke's mansion for his sweet 16. Oh, and by everybody, I mean all 1000+ of his friends from school. How the fuck do all these people fit into a mansion!? . . . Ugh, don't answer that, _please_.

Okay, so I was playing Truth or Dare with people from homeroom. It was my turn, and I chose dare.

"Alright, Naruto. I dare you to rip that mask off of that old man's face," said Kiba.

"That man isn't old! Can't you see he's too oh-so-motherfucking sexy to even be middle-aged!?" Sakura exclaimed.

Ino giggled. "I agree. He's prolly around his mid-20s, and his hair's just naturally silver. . . hopefully."

Kiba scoffed. "Whatever. He's still old."

"Hehe, I'll do it," I said, and with a smirk, I stood up and tiptoed toward the man. My heart was beating faster with each step I took. He was just so hot! I felt bad for him, but whatever. I was about to leap on him when I heard a voice in front of me.

"Need anything from me?" The man turned around and faced me. He was wearing a black sweater jacket, which was unzipped and showing his hawt washboard abs. There was a mask covering his mouth and nose, and his silky, spiky, silver hair glistened in the bright fluorescent light. I could not hold back the guilt any longer, so I told him about the Truth or Dare thing and how I felt bad but still did it anyway. . . or are least attempted to. I just can't lie to beautiful men like that, it's too hard!!

"Well, that wasn't very nice of you," the man said.

"I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen ever again, uh, what's your name?"

"Kakashi Hatake, and it's no problem. At least nothing worse happened, right?"

"True. Oh, by the way, my name's Naruto Uzumaki. It's nice to meet you!" I smiled and shook his hand. Gawd, was I lucky to be touching a hot man.

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**Okay, I need help making more drabbles and crap, so if you have any ideas on how to make these longer or what the plot should be, feel free to email me! OMG that rhymed! XD**


	3. 67 Percent

**Na No Da! My first nearsmut drabble. Oh, and just to warn you, it's KakaNaru XD. Ugh, hopefully I'm able to make these stories sound good even though it's been an hour after track practice. Running four laps around a big park isn't easy, y'know! And what's even worse is that I have to jog a mile and a half on Saturday, at EIGHT IN THE FREAKIN MORNING!! Hopefully you enjoy this chapter! :D**

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Kakashi and Naruto were both sittin in front of the computer waiting for a game to load. It's been over five minutes and it still hasn't loaded past 67. Naruto was getting impatient and couldn't' wait any longer.

"AAAH!! Can't the damn game load to at least 69!?" the blond yelled. Kakashi laughed at Naruto's sudden outburst and gave him a peck on the cheek, which seemed to calm things down a little.

"Naruto, my love. Just wait a little while longer until the game loads," Kakashi said calmly.

"Ne, Kakashi, you and your seductive voice can make even straight guys go crazy!" Naruto cuddled up with Kakashi and stared at the screen, which still showed the bar more than halfway full with the number 67 beside it. Kakashi then got up and walked to the kitchen with Naruto still latched onto him. Naruto knew what he was going to do, so he got a pot filled with water while his lover took out two bags of ramen.

When the ramen was finished, Naruto went to check on the computer screen, which was glowing pink, but there was a difference. The number beside the bar now read 69.

"Omgosh, Kakashi, Kakashi, KAKASHI!!" he yelled. Footsteps could be heard getting closer to the computer room.

"What, the thing's at 69 now?" the seme guessed.

"Actually. . . yes," Naruto replied. "And, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" With that being said, the older man walked to Naruto and lifted him up. Their lips met and their tongues explored the insides of each others mouths as Kakashi walked inside his room, still carrying Naruto, and shut the door. They both forgot about the computer game for the rest of the night, for they were then playing another game that required a _lot_ more than hand-eye coordination skill.

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**Gah, I told you this sucked. Haha, it's also pretty rushed, but I'm too lazy to fix anything! So, I leave everything with you. Review it, email me, do whatever the hell you wanna do that will make my life easier and happier.**


	4. Broken Pieces

**We meet again :D. I don't know what inspired me to write this, but it's prolly from me being depressed for so long or something. . . eh, anyway, this is basically a songfic (and another KakaNaru. Come on, I know you liiiiiike iiit), but the song used in this drabble is translated. The original language of the song is Thai, and it's called Plian Kan Mai by FourMod. I kinda tweaked the lyrics a little so it would fit in with the story. I give the translation credit to EThaiMusic. Hope you enjoy eet!**

**Brr, it's cold in the living room. . .**

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_It's not helping, not helping at all  
Not helping, not even a little. . ._

Naruto stared at the ocean, watching the salty tears roll off his cheeks and mix in with the salty water as he stood on the wet sand, which was starting to stick to his feet. It felt like the end of the world to him.

_Just 'cause you're with a new boyfriend  
Just 'cause you love someone else  
You only told me the simplest things.  
Asking why I cried  
Telling me we never got along,  
That we never understood each other by being together  
It's okay if we break up, right?_

He listened to the waves rolling as he recalls the times he and his lover had. _"Why did you have to leave me for him!?"_ Naruto thought to himself. _"Was I not good enough for you?"_ It felt as if there was nothing else to do. Why did he have to be hurt like this, out of all the people in the world!?

_I want to pretend like I don't care  
This is alright,  
I want to smile like I can stand it  
without my heart trembling,  
You think it's easy,  
but you're the one who's dumping me  
I'm the one who's suffering_

And, out of everyone he loved, why was it _him_ that hurt Naruto? By now, Naruto didn't have the strength to stand anymore. As he collapsed onto the grainy, golden sand, he cried even more. The tears blinded him. To Naruto, he couldn't live without him. His shiny silver hair, his low protecting voice, his warm affection. Naruto missed them all.

_Shall we swap,  
and let you be the one who's dumped?  
Be a guy who has nothing,  
Who has no one  
Being hurt,  
And listening to the heart piercing words  
They're more than I can stand_

As he closed his eyes, Naruto whispered his final words before falling into what would become an eternal sleep.

"Kakashi. . . I love you. . ."

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**Hehe, that was sad, wasn't it? Still pretty short, but whatever. God it's so fucking cold in here!! Oh wells, review please!**


	5. Keeping a Secret

**Blah, this Sunday sucks so bad. . . and I'm so bored. . . it blows X-X and now I cant stop eating. . . WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!? T.T I don't wanna become faaaatter -cries-**

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"Kakashi. . ."

"Yes, Naruto?"

"I. . .I. . . umm, I. . ."

"You. . . what?"

"I just wanted to say that you look hot today!"

"Why, thank you. You look pretty hot yourself!"

"Heh, thanks." Naruto sighed under his breath. He always wanted to tell Kakashi that thin lovers always say to each other. He knew it was only three words, but whenever he tried saying them, they'd hide behind his throat, too scared to come out of this mouth. Kakashi watched the younger boy reluctantly eating his ramen and noticed that something was wrong.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kakashi asked.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Naruto responded.

"It doesn't look like it. What happened?"

"Nothing really. . . but, there's something I wanna tell you."

"And that would be?"

"I. . ." Again, the words wouldn't come out. Kakashi walked to Naruto and put his arms around him.

"You know you can tell me anythiiiiing," the silver-haired man whispered into Naruto's ears. The blonde put down his chopsticks and turned his head, facing Kakashi. He pulled him into a deep kiss, and when their lips parted, it finally happened.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Heh, I never knew it was that easy."

"Hm? Whaddaya mean?"

"The truth is, I've been having trouble saying that I love you. I don't know why, though."

"Ahh, that. Yeah, maybe you were just too shy to admit it." Kakashi kissed Naruto back and smiled at him.

"I suppose so," Naruto replied. "But now you know how I feel about you, right?"

"That's right. And I'll always love you, not matter what."

"Awww! That's so sweet! I'll always love you too!" The two kissed one last time before leaving Ichiraku's and heading back home.

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**Yeah, there was a tad bit too much dialogue in this one, but hopefully it's good enough. I'm still bored :**


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